#like. i want to move there bc housing is so insanely cheap there

[lizzypuppet1711]

things about toronto’s production of the great comet at crow’s theatre/musical stage co that i need everyone to know about because i am obsessed with this show.

as of writing i have seen this show five times.

very long under the cut:

full cast listed here. at time of writing, donna garner replaces louise pitre as marya, tyler pearse replaces lawrence libor as dolokhov, and ben carlson replaces marcus nance as andrey/bolkonsky. currently i’ve seen the og cast four times and the replacements once.

the stage is set up with seats on three out of four sides, with front rows at tables, back of house left and right sides at barstools, and a small balcony with some seats on house right. there are balconies on either side, with a revolving platform in the middle of the stage (revolving by being pushed by cast members or stagehands). seats around 200 people or so.

the actors are EVERYWHERE. it is so incredibly immersive

the music is very punchy

during prologue, everyone is taking shots as they’re introduced, except dolokhov, who drinks straight from the bottle and sprays it into the air

i’m a dolokhov girlie through and through and once he nodded hello at me during the prologue and i legit swooned

mary is walking around holding a program showing off the family tree, actors will point to them on tables etc

once anatole pointed at his face on it, pointed to himself, all in a very flirty manner

he winked at me during prologue once and i’m still thinking about it

evan buliung is acting his ass off as pierre

he is definitely is more gruff and acting focused (think dave malloy over josh groban)

at “hours at my screen”, pierre takes an audience member’s phone (from one of the tables… or once out of someone’s hands LMAO) and mimes tapping, scrolling through it etc

two stagehands move things on and offstage (such as the sofa, church props etc) and they are also in little costumes. it’s very adorable

dolokhov’s little soldier walk thing??? during moscow????? i’m sure there’s a reason for it bc both of them do it but i have no clue why it’s there???? love it tho

heeyun park as mary is also acting her damn heart out

private and intimate life has a faster tempo and is SUCH a banger as a result

an audience member gets briefly pulled up on the platform to be the cheap french thing, he typically kisses up their arm, hugs them, and sometimes sits on their lap a bit

pierre is playing the tambourine in the background during natasha and bolkonskys and it is honestly kind of funny

hailey gillis plays natasha very emotional and headstrong. her no one else has a sense of urgency, desperation, and deep longing

the platform is spinning and people are walking around and she is singing like an angel…

basically i want to be hailey gillis when i grow up

actors are rotating the platform during no one else and it ends with andrey standing behind her and pierre standing in front of her. no one talk to me i’m losing it

as the run has continued, dolokhov’s adlibs during his intro in the opera have increased drastically

lawrence libor as dolokhov had such an air and presence (rizz?) about himself i cannot DESCRIBE. the comphet he gave me… i miss him v much. he was also very much giving toronto mans. and he made SO MUCH eye contact. he loves to look at you. i miss him. i need him. who said that

tumblr theatre girlies you would go insane over lawrence libor. if this show had ANY b roll footage i know i would be seeing edits all over the place

i am president of the lawrence libor fan club and everyone should join me

tyler pearse as dolokhov has heavy frat boy energy. he is also gayer, and somehow, sluttier. gives short king energy despite only being an inch shorter than lawrence (apparently)??? don’t ask bc i don’t know either he just does. anyway thank u tyler pearse for making dolokhov bisexual for real

either way dolokhov is doing SO MUCH in this production. he is wild he is a whirling dervish he is arrogant he is a bastard he is everything to me

“YEAH BABEY LETS GOOOOOOO” -lawrence libor as dolokhov, upon his entrance

in one performance he would go YEAH BABEY three separate times in act 1. yeahh

flirting with a girl in the balcony, dabbing up a guy in the balcony, generally being hilarious

and tyler pearse leaning over the balcony, rose in his mouth, wolf howling… i can’t.

basically i can’t with this production’s dolokhov. i’m obsessed

anatole’s entrance… he’s a whore. all i can say

rita dottor (ensemble) does the high soprano bravooooooo and she always sounds so fantastic. live laugh love rita dottor

george krissa, who plays anatole, is probably the most attractive man in ontario. like if you googled hot guy he would be the first result.

“where did they find this anatole. was he made in a lab or something. he was perfect” — my friend after seeing it

tumblr theatre girlies you would also be obsessed with george krissa. like jeremy jordan andrew rannells level obsessed. please love these toronto actors with me

i’d let him ruin my life ANY DAY. it is a fact that lesbians love george krissa. i hope he knows

the way he plays it… my friend described it like “lucas steele is like an alien david bowie, and george krissa is a bridgerton man. just a very charismatic, but normal, guy”

while i would say that lucas steele’s anatole believes he is truly in love with natasha, i would not say the same for george krissa’s. some of the manipulation happening here during the opera is. quite clear

when he is entering the box natasha struggles to open her fan, fans herself frantically, under the arms etc. then when he enters immediately shifts to fanning in a cool and collected manner. hailey gillis master of comedy

“we are speaking of most ordinary things” is especially like. this is a male manipulator if i’ve ever seen one

natasha lost was added back in!! fantastic obviously

anatole checking his hair in the mirror before waking pierre up. fucker

“look dolokhov’s coming around… and we’re off to the CLEURB”

brendan wall (ensemble) walking around during the club scene with a glowstick necklace on is peak comedy to me

i’ve said it but tyler’s dolokhov is an absolute slut at this scene. and for what AND FOR WHAT!!!!

also fun tidbit but all the glasses (other than shots) and any clear bottles have real liquid in them. i am very concerned something will spill one day

when dolokhov gets right up in the audience’s face during “known only to his intimates” i LOVE it idk

during the duel, marya and rita steal off to house left directly beside the barstools and chatter about how bad of an idea this is, they’re so drunk, etc

special shout out to divine’s “he will kill you STOOPID HUSBAND” so good

dolokhov’s adlibs during the duel… i need him. sorry

dolokhov gets shot in the side rather than his shoulder, and unceremoniously rolls off the platform as it’s moving. looks painful

hélène screams when dolokhov is shot but not pierre. so much to think about here

a life changing dust and ashes from evan. i can’t describe anything more just that he’s incredible. i’ve learned so much about acting just by watching him a few times

natasha’s face at “am i guilty…” breaks my heart she is so tormented

we are canadians we are going to pronounce our french correctly! no more charmantay

hélène has started adding some very fun runs into charming as the run has gone on. divine brown marry me

anatole is shirtless during charming. btw.

again i know he’s gay and i’m gay but.

the entirety of this rendition of the ball has been stuck in my head since december

his “don’t lower your eyes i love you” that whole section is delicious i want to eat his voice

plus “BEWITCHING AND I LOVE YOUUU” UGHHH such an ear worm but only when it’s their voices

the choreo going on here is very nice btw

i love the way he says natalie at this part idk. it’s not overly enunciated and the vowel is just right <— vocal nerd

the kiss feels like it lasts forever

music gets very very loud at the end and you can feel it in your skin

also fun fact the house music before and after the show is orchestral but during intermission it’s electronic. bc. anatole. gah details

when marcus was still in the cast you could really hear his voice during letters and it sounded sooooo.

dolokhov’s stupid little thumbs up to indicate he will be ok. pleaseee. i laughed i did

generally lawrence would grab at the place he was shot at a lot; while pushing the revolve etc. loved that detail. (tyler does too but less so)

sonya and natasha just sounds so great. like they just always sound fantastic i love that song

sonya alone. yes i am weeping. yes camille eanga-selenge is everything i want to be and more. she’s phenomenal

dolokhov sitting in a big fuckin chair at the beginning of preparations just absolutely clearly regretting every decision he’s made to facilitate this. is great.

i know i keep talking abt lawrence libor but the image of him at this part is just. really great. to me. sorry

very campy and exaggerated scowling and grimacing from anatole

dolokhov is so sick of anatole’s shit

“here feel how it beats” is NOT entertained he pushes him back immediately

lawrence dolokhov’s “dawdling” business was him tuning his guitar i miss musician dolokhov sooooo much gah

balaga truly does not sing any of his lines. he is basically yelling the entire time. i don’t know how he does it. it’s chaotic and hilarious and so fun

sonya and mary hand out the egg shakers on house right and left respectfully

near the end of balaga, four audience members are brought up to dance with the cast! (i got to dance with mary once!)

dolokhov writhing on the floor during anatole’s long held note thank u

during the goodbye section, anatole comes around to said audience members and interacts with them; dancing with them, booping them on the nose etc, and at “kiss me one last time”, invites a lucky audience member to kiss his cheek. (this once, was me. yup. still processing it.)

once he accidentally knocked someone’s egg shaker from their hand, dolokhov picked it up, laughed, gave it a shake, and handed it back, and yes i’m still thinking about it

when they sit down, balaga and dolokhov will sit on the house right stairs, though once there was an empty seat nearby so dolokhov wedged his way in between two people, guitar and all. so fucking good

anatole will squeeze himself between two audience members on house left, put an arm around each, and look around at everyone sitting in that area, out into the audience, etc. if one is going to make eye contact with him, it is now

once he threw his head back to look at the people behind him, and someone, at the speed of light, took their phone out and snapped a picture of his upside down head. i scream laughed

lawrence’s BETRAYED BETRAYEDDDD was sooooo good. so so so good

hailey gillis is an absolute powerhouse during in my house

usually when “natasha’s whole body shook” she falls to the ground silently but last time i went she YELLED and i gasped so loud

at “i have refused him” louise would go NO in shock and i FREAK OUT ABOUT IT.

and i loved her “what then? would that be alright???”

“NATASHA CRIED OUT! GO AWAY! GO AWAY YOU ALL HATE AND DESPISE ME” sounds SO FUCKING GOOD!!! I LOVE YOU HAILEY GILLIS

when the call to pierre music starts i always get goosebumps

the fight choreo when pierre grabs anatole by the collar is very good

if we’re comparing to broadway, it feels less like anatole’s life is in danger here but like i’m not upset about it

at this point anatole does not seem sad or upset to me more just. pissed off that it didn’t go his way. like annoyed

as anatole leaves during pierre and anatole the staging has him stepping around/over natasha as she is choking from the arsenic and it is such a. show of his shallowness

his petersburg note is fantastic obviously. live laugh love george krissa

marcus nance (andrey) has such a deep and beautiful legit singing voice. it’s sooo gorgeous. any word that raises against marcus nance will fall.

I MISS HIMMMM ok sorry.

i am more sympathetic to ben carlson’s andrey, however. marcus was Incredibly stoic ben has a bit more emotion to him i think

i could swear sometimes hailey is actually crying during pierre and natasha

her “pytor kirillovich” sounds so tiny and fragile ugh my heart breaks

and his “…pierre” is so assuring AUGHH

it’s such a beautiful scene obviously. i love the two of them so damn much i hope only good things happen to them forever

“it was clear and cold” also. chills EVERY TIME

“having traced its parabola” and “like an arrow piercing the earth” hit me so hard i cannot explain

genuinely evan buliung gives the most effective inspiring fantastic mind blowing performance i maybe have ever seen on stage. he is such an incredible actor and he inspires me beyond belief

the end when the lights get really really bright and then fade out. god. so simple and so fucking beautiful

now this post is very long. thank u for reading it all if you did! (will update after seeing it more times if there’s things to say!!)

if you’re anywhere near toronto i BEG of you to go see it!! it’s closing march 24th :(( so if you get the chance i deeply implore you. beg borrow or steal a ticket just get there! best comet production ever in my biased opinion :)

[fagcrisis]

sorry what do you mean your mother's coup. elaborate

this ended up being long as hell so readmore time

so i live in this old fucking apartament building right, turns 120 soon, hasnt really been renovated in 50 years. and our apartament has the attic built in, which wasnt a feature originally and the previous tenant did it himself, badly, meaning weve had a hole in our roof for about 5ish years now that we just have not been able to fix. last november we had a pretty big storm that fucked the hole up even worse and our previous solution of just "put a bucket under it and leave the room" has stopped working because too much water was getting in and my sister had to start sleeping in a different room so safe to say, shit state of affairs

my mum got a contractor to come take a look at it and the dude concluded that its dangerous to be left unfixed and hes gonna have to climb in between the attic walls and the roof bc due to the hole theres a shitton of mold that needs to be cleaned out. overall this wouldve cost us 600k forint thats more than my mum makes in 2 months and i had 9-5 at that point but my shit salary was not gonna fix this. so my mum had a breakdown and decided that well sell the apartament and try moving, which sucks bc when we got this place it was still cheap but since then the housing market has gone to shit and we wouldve had to live in a rental we probably wouldnt have been able to afford. but my mum still called an agent to check the house out, and he told us that theres no way were selling it, because of the big fucking hole, the messed up pipes and bc the building isnt insulated (legally cant be bc its a historical monument lmao. europe)

HOWEVER he also said. since this is an apartament building with 12 flats we have a house representative and we pay *google translate help me* common cost every month, to cover repairs on the house, that we shouldnt have to pay for the repairs, the house should. cause. its the whole houses roof not just our apartaments.

my mum went to the house rep (józsi) to ask about this, and he told her that this isnt true and that he wont pay for the repairs. which made my mum mad and she went and found a lawyer who said the house does have to pay for repairs. but józsi was still like i will not.

so my mum talked to all 12 of our neighbouring flats individually and found out that literally everybody has grievances with this dude. there has been an ENTIRE TREE growing on the roof for years now that we havent been able to get cleaned out, the staircase is borderline life threatening to use, we could technically get authorization for insulating the house but the rep needs to apply and józsi hasnt, one of the gates to the yard is like not working, etc

they ended up calling the first house meeting in years (were supposed to have those every month lol) where they ended up voting to have a new rep, and also to fix our roof. which got fixed by the way, and the mold was also cleaned out

BUT the story doesnt end here bc they still need to vote a new rep in. and my mum found this company who represents apartament buildings professionally and sure itd cost us some money but we pay the common cost anyway, and they have contractors they work with so itd be soooo easy to fix shit in the house. but for some reason some people decided they want this dude instead, who owns one of the flats in the building but does not live here, his insane mother does who hates me. and he DOESNT LIVE HERE the entire problem with józsi was, that he was like not helpful in any way and now they want a guy who doesnt even live here??

ANYWAY TODAY THE PLOT FUCKING THICKENED. because. my mum started looking over the houses finances with 2 of our neighbours one of whom is i think a lesbian but im not sure anyways they found out that józsi has been STEALING MONEY. FROM THE COMMON COST. WHICH IS WHY FUCKALL GOT FIXED IN THE HOUSE!!!!

anyway the coup is still ongoing but i hope u enjoyed my mums tale of intrigue. shes having so much fun w this shes having secret meetings with people to talk about this all day

[oneforthemunny]

Maybe a weird question but what is each of the Eddie’s favourite comfort food?

I love this question.

modern!eddie I feel like he loves that cinnamon sugar butter toast. like it's definitely a "struggle meal" that his mom grew up making him bc it was dirt cheap, but it hits. like he gets a craving for it every now and then and mean girl makes it for him and he's just heart eyes in love.

cowboy!eddie loves chili. like look at him and tell me he doesn't exude bowl of chili energy fr. like chili and a grilled cheese, especially on a cold day when he's been working all day. it just soothes his soul really.

mafia!eddie is definitely more of a sweets guy admittedly. he loves cookies a lot for no reason. but a fresh baked cookie does it for him. it just makes it all better.

janitor!eddie likes soup. I think he always liked the idea of hot soup just being comforting, and so he clung to it, and now he just loves it. chicken noodle is obv his favorite, but he's become a big french onion guy as of late. you turned him onto that and he's so impressed.

older!eddie loves a chicken pot pie. like I don't know what you want me to say about this, but he's a fiend for a pot pie. bro likes butter pecan so it shouldn't be surprising. he orders it at a restaurant and brielle gets so embarrassed. you think it's funny bc it's one of those things that like you forgot existed but not eddie babes, he orders it every time.

bouncer!eddie idk if this counts as a comfort food, but he's insane about buffalo chicken dip. I feel like that really checks with him like... he gives buffalo chicken dip energy. doesn't like the kind with celery in it fuck no, he wants that shit HOT and spicy. will devour it all in like under 45 minutes.

rockstar!eddie since he moved out to la doesn't get a lot of midwestern foods or even like southern comfort foods (bc wayne is def from the south fight me) and everything's organic and gross out there. he loves breakfast food. like greasy ass diner type breakfast food. like a waffle house?? find eddie munson at a waffle house in los angeles at least once a month, stoned out of his mind, eating an allstar breakfast and a waffle bitch. he loves it.

dom!eddie loves banana pudding. like it's very unexpected of him, but he loves loves loves a banana pudding. the original kind that's cold. he loves whipped cream ;) lol so it's not that surprising but you make it for him once and he's in love??? like he acts like you gave him a kidney.

[idealspawn]

ive been away from tumblr for such a long time, afraid it would trigger me. ive been doing so well:) i moved to another city. back to where i lived for a year, a year prior to this one. i was able to join a programme that enables me to study in this university again for a year as like an exchange student(?)-ish thing. it feels amazing. ive reconnected with two(three-ish?) extremely dear people to me and ive found my love for knowledge again. my apartment is so nice too. i live near a train station but i can barely hear anything, and if i do, the sounds are actually comforting. i used to dislike trains, they made me anxious but starting this summer i grew to love them and now i regularly even prefer them. i live on the top floor so my ceiling and walls are slanted but it brings me such comfort, my room in my parents' house also has it like that. i have a second floor, well half of it. there is a built-in ladder staircase. it feels extremely comforting. ive had to fix, and still have to fix, many things here bc its a relatively cheap apartment but im fine with that. it actually makes me feel more at home when i can work on the apartment and make it my own. it feels more like home when everything isnt perfect either. the washing machine was disgustingly dirty and the air ventilation thing above the stove is also so fucking nasty but ill deal w it.. not my first time renting an apartment...... .. .. . the emotional aspects of this place are way more important. ive adopted plants too this time around. and a lot more intentionally, ive made in-depth sheets on how to properly care for them. i speak to them and kiss them every day. i know i will buy at leasr one more plant. so far i have an aloe vera plant, alocasia zebrina(MY DEAREST but also the most needy), a chinese money plant and an ivy. i want another ivy but a diff one. right now i have the one called wonder, it looks very friendly, very round. i didnt intend to get this one but they got my order wrong but i didnt have the heart to exchange it so i will just keep it and buy the other ivy as a friend to it. i am so fond of the one that has, i cant seem to find its proper name, but the one that has extremely slim and elongated and really sharp star-like leaves. i figured maybe the two contrasting ivy plants would even look better together than just one. so maybe the wrong order was a blessing in disguise. im using plants to learn unconditional love and acceptance because my family definitely didnt provide me with that skill.. :d.. did the same with my childhood cat, thats why she was so extremely dear to me. when noone else in my family loved me unconditionally, she did:). ive been really motivated to study and read a lot of my own extracurricular stuff too. ive gone to really interesting tours and public programmes about nature and culture and society. ive actually enjoyed being on my own and had the balls to show up to places alone, i used to never be able to do that. i always had to have someone with me but its really limiting as many people around me right now have colliding interests. im also so insanely proud of myself for speaking up in a seminar!!!!!! u have no idea. NO IDEA how hard that has been for me. to realize my insight has value and should take up time and space in a seminar. ive always come so close to speaking but then my heart has raced out of my chest and then the moment passed. but this time i actually spoke up, i took the initiative and i didnt only speak abt the strict topic that our seminar text provided for that time but i brought up my individual reading!! and a girl in the seminar told me i spoke well!!(i didnt, god i was so nervous i stumbled upon my words so much and avoided all eye contact) AND ALSO the professor leading the seminar told me my answer was good too :) im so happy. im growing so much.

[perfectlullabies]

I wanna hear more about ur fixation but I require drama in order to pay attention, so pls tell me about any barbie lines or dolls or mattel products that make u MAD or that u think just suck

sweet baby jesus, what an excellent ask to occupy my mind with rn !! i feel like it's gonna be a long essay so my apologies in advance

luckily for u, i do have DRAMA to share. first of all, even ppl who don't buy/collect dolls are aware that mattel quality has plummeted like FUCK in the last 10 years or so. it feels like they're producing dolls out of spite, because they got used to it. there are several new doll lines that are worth buying such as barbie extra/extra fancy (7 of which i got recently) and barbie cutie reveal (they all have original fashions, good quality face prints and articulation - u can actually move their hands and legs (wow.) but that's...it. even though i'm quite fond of the new basic play dolls, i still don't think their quality is good (i'm ok with them bc they're mostly rather cheap)

second of all, i hate how these days the og blonde barbie doll has THE SAME FACE PRINT, ALWAYS. what's the point of making the same doll over and over? all the sets with the houses, cars and wardrobes are insanely expensive and they all come with the same doll that looks so cheap and childish. i go into the store and there are 60 different barbies but if u just take one closer look at them they're all the same. i feel rage

third of all, some of the lines are just utter, utter shit. for example the whole dreamtopia line with the fairies and princesses. they are expensive and the quality is horrendous. i can't even picture a child who would want to play with them. i love a point one of my favourite doll collector youtubers brought up - kids these days don't play with dolls like they used to and they don't keep them for years. these days they get a doll, play with it for a week or two and then it's Out and not fun to play with anymore. i can see it happen. they're so boring. in most cases u can't even change their clothes bc they've got printed on body suits or something like that. EVEN PLASTIC HAIR. unforgivable

when i see the amount of blue/pink/purple colours in new dolls i literally just . ugh. like i understand they're not collectible and they're meant for young kids but there is no alternative for older kids or collectors. don't even get me started on colour reveal barbie dolls. the ones that u put into water and they come out all colourful, terribly tacky with awful printed on clothes. BLEH

i also feel bad abt the fact my scene dolls are no longer being produced. such a shame, they were excellent dolls. thankfully i've got a rather big collection :-)

well...all in all i'm a sucker for barbie but i won't spend my money on just abt any kind of shite. i'm mostly looking for vintage barbies these days esp from late 90s and early 2000s which imo was the best era for barbie. still, i do love barbie extra and cutie reveal. i just wish the good old times were back, esp since it's not Easy to get vintage barbies in poland !!

[bisluthq]

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m a little dizzy right now (or lightheaded? Idk) for some reason but your blog is really cracking me up today in a way that it hasn’t in years. also like I’m reading this and damn I know so much about you (not in a creepy way I just used to read your blog a lot during pandemic times and have a really good memory when it comes to useless stuff) and it feels weird so idk sorry I guess why do I feel drunk when I’m not anyway uh my uncle actually lives in ukraine rn bc he wants to make money there from a titanium business (? Idk either) and idk why I’m saying this but if you move there pls stay safe also I remember when you first revealed you grew up there I was so shocked idk why like I knew you had family there but? anyway

I’m not moving there lol and I might get less active on here in the next few days because guess what besties????!!! I found a home for the doggo. He’s going to stay with this lady called Val who runs a doggy daycare from her house and also does overnights and longterm stays and even apparently like dogs whose owners emigrate and who either can’t take them or who need some months to like figure the paperwork and shit out and she is cheap as shit and seems nice!! So dog and I are going there tomorrow morning and hopefully he gets along with the other dogs (that’s the only thing she’s worried about) and then isn’t my problem anymore. We did have a fight today about the dog again lol so it’s very exciting that this will stop being a thing and I can focus on repairing the relationship and like living my little life again instead of sitting here sulking and being sulked at. It is a little insane I have to repair a relationship over a bloody DOG but again the dude’s weird as balls and has a lot of issues with environments and such and as I say I’m starting to think is on the spectrum because that would make a LOT of things actually make sense.

Also lol @ ur uncle like wtf is up with that is he like a war lord that’s kinda wild.

[mywheelieweirdlife]

Hi, so I also have FND and I use my wheelchair part time, I also have a rollator and a cane.

So here's the advice I can offer for fighting for one and potential options to give you support if the wheelchair is just a losing battle until you can move out.

Firstly; asking specifically what it is they're concerned about with making it worse. Normally it's muscle mass loss in your legs and damage to your shoulder joints. These and other common injuries for wheelchair users are things that you do actually want to think about because they are kinda right in having those extra injuries and changes can change how your FND presents and make it harder.

For me I was crawling across the floor army style because I couldn't control my legs and had lost so much weight from being bed-bound (I had also become heavily vitamin D deficient on top of other things from being in a dark room so long) that we had to have the initial basic wheelchair. From there for my safety and independence as I regained strength and needed to get out and into the world; I got my better quality wheelchairs and now use them on my bad days, or when I have a lot going on and have the extra support to get around.

It helps a lot. Do actually consider one when you move out if you're still struggling, but really look into your options and look at your situation and needs to pick your best possible options for your safety and avoiding unnecessary injuries.

For my everyday outside of the house tho; the rollator and cane both give me better access, allow me to continue following physical therapy advice with support and my rollator is seated so it gives me a break when my tremors or dizziness gets to a point where I need a break (and technically I'm not meant to be pushed while sitting on it bc it's not that style, but I have been known to do it occasionally).

The rollators with seats and baskets honestly give so much independence and take the pressure off having to full on focus to keep your body balanced, I use my cane for when I get it worse in one side, I've dislocated a hip and/or want stair access, but the rollator is more supportive than the cane and provides the best protection from falling or tripping over from tremors, getting fatigued really quickly and is also sometimes a great way to be a little visible but not majorly visible; most younger people using a rollator in non-spoonie understandings are recovering from an injury and retraining their body (because they associate it with hip replacements and car injuries) so they also notice but don't treat the leg tremors as weird and move out of the way more often than with say a cane or wheelchair because you're visible and at the right height to look them directly in the eye.

Also FB marketplace. Take your own measurements, compare them to actual mobility aid measurements online, and look at your options. List your favourites and their specifics, especially for the sizes that are closest and best to you. And then start searching mobility aids on fb marketplace and check semi-regularly. I got an amazing $500+ rollator for insanely cheap that way in perfect condition because a woman who was basically my height and weight had recovered from an injury and was selling it cheap for someone else in need. I've got my eyes on some beach wheels that should fit at least one of my two wheelchairs for when I have money for them.

That and sites like gumtree/craigslist/other second hand sites and groups, they're the best for them. Church groups will also source them for you if they can, but they tend to expect things in return so it's not a route I go.

#wheelchairusers I want some advice on my situation because I feel like I need a mobility aid but I keep getting denied it because “it will make your FND worse” or “it’s for people who can’t actually walk” I feel like I would use it part time but that option is basically nonexistent. I think I might want to get one once I move out but I hate having to struggle to walk when I feel extremely dizzy, nauseous, fatigued and when there’s tremors in my legs. I feel so tired of pushing for one because I’ve been given the same answer and I’m just tired atp. Feel free to give me advice or really anything. 👍🏽

[carcarrot]

i dont think i can move to michigan.

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

you know the scene where robin goes to talk to tammy but she sees her boyfriend approaching and kissing her and the camera focuses on her sad face could do that with reader going to talk to eddie about her feelings, but sees Chrissy coming first and kissing him.please

𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞

(This gif is how I feel thinking about this (I love you tho anon bc now I get to be self indulgent))

I'm giving this a happy ending because if Robin gets her happy ending with Vicki then so do I we!! Also because I am a coward who can't bring himself to write a sad ending I'm sorry lsnhdg I hope that's okay

(There is the mention of vomit in this so if you don't like that please don't feel like you need to read these headcanons)

I'm gonna say that you've had a crush on Eddie for maybe six months at this point

And it's absolutely driving you insane because you can't stop thinking about him

The way his smile makes your heart flutter, the way his hair looks so soft you wanna tuck it behind his ear, how soft and kissable his lips are, how warm and beautiful his laugh is

And that's just for starters

So you decided that today was going to be the day to confess and get it all out there

You knew he had a deal at the picnic bench in the woods after school, so you made your way there once you'd put your books and binders in your locker

The whole walk down to the woods you rehearsed what you were going to say and prepared yourself for rejection as well as for the small chance that he reciprocated your feelings

You heard voices as you approached so you figured you'd wait until the deal was done with to tell him

However, what you saw stopped you in your tracks and made you want to be puke

Chrissy Cunningham, leaning over the picnic table, and kissing Eddie

And he wasn't pulling away

You didn't even stay to see what would happen next or confess like you were going to

Ignoring Eddie as he called after you felt like the best thing to do as you almost ran back to the school and to the parking lot where your vehicle was parked

You now hated how the inside smelt of Eddie's cheap cologne you'd gotten him for his birthday that he'd been wearing when you picked him up that morning

Thankfully, that day was a Friday so you had the weekend to not see him or Chrissy together

You weren't even sure what hurt more: the fact you'd seen the guy you were pretty much in love with being kissed by someone else, or the fact it was Chrissy Cunningham who was supposed to be head over heels in love with her boyfriend Jason

Eddie called you a lot on the Saturday, according to your mom, and you asked her to tell him that you were too sick to answer the phone

On the Sunday he apparently came over to your house with a get well soon car and a little plush teddy that you recognised as one you'd tried and failed to win from the claw game in the arcade one time when you were hanging out together

You didn't go to school on the Monday, but your parents made you promise to go in on the Tuesday which you reluctantly agreed to

On the Monday night, there was tapping at your window and you felt like your heart was breaking all over again when you saw it was Eddie and remembered him and Chrissy kissing

You did eventually let him in, but didn't speak to him and just sat on your bed in silence

When he started prodding at you to tell him what was going on and that you didn't look sick you ended up snapping at him

And that's when the arguing started

You were grateful your parents were out because otherwise they'd have heard what was going on and grounded you for a month for sneaking a boy into your room

Eddie making a comment about how you were clearly ready to ruin your friendship without even giving him a reason as to why you were mad at him, you ended up blurting out that you were upset about the kiss and that he should be spending more time with her

In response, Eddie ends up shouting "I pushed her away"

You don't believe him at first because you saw him sit there and not move away from her and he has to convince you that he's telling the truth

"She'd had a fight with Jason and tried to kiss me to get back at him but I pushed her away because I'm not interested in her. There's someone else I'd rather be kissing than her and I told her that. You ran off before I could tell you"

Hearing that there was someone else he was interested in hurt even more and you ended up trying to push him away from you because you couldn't handle getting your heartbroken again by the same guy in less than a week

Then your face was in his hands and he was looking into your eyes so intently that you felt your stomach flip even though you were starting to accept the fact he didn't want you

"I'd much rather be kissing my best friend who buys me shitty cologne for my birthday every year without fail and comes to meet me after every deal to make sure everything is okay."

When he kissed you, you were too shocked to kiss him back at first

When he pulled away you went back in and kissed him again

After the kiss finally ends, you both cuddled together beneath your duvet, the teddy he'd given you as a get well soon gift snuggled between you both

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" he whispered to you

"I'm sorry too"

[the-bjd-community-confess]

bear with me here. lately, well, for the past 6 months we’ve been trying to buy a house. rent in my area is terrible and moving out of my area isn’t an option, so in theory it’s literally cheaper to buy a house. plus my bf and i have good (for our area) jobs. however we wanted to only put down 15%, so we need this thing called mortgage insurance. which also goes through a credit check, like the mortgage would. we’re on the mortgage together. somehow i was approved for the mortgage but denied for the insurance, because them checking my credit lowered my score to one fucking point below what’s needed. i don’t have a bad score, or a terrible debt to income ratio, my score is literally only “fair” because i bought a car 3 years ago and that vs my student loans that i’ve had for ages lowered my credit age, and therefore my score. bc. i don’t fucking know. capitalism™️. so we have to put down 20% of a down payment which we didn’t budget for because we were fine if it weren’t for, y’know fucking credit bureaus. it’s an extra 10k we don’t have because we didn’t expect to need.

so anyway i’m taking it hard. real hard. because along with my house savings i obviously also have a doll savings (it’s much lower though) for, you know, my expensive hobby that i finally started to being able to like actually buy for around 4 years ago. and i feel guilty because it’s like, if it wasn’t for my score and if i wasn’t indulging on things that make me happy, i’d be able to save more for “””adult things””” like buying a house. i almost in a panic started calculating and figuring out how i could sell my collection and all my doll stuff because i’m sure if i sold literally everything i have related to the hobby i would be able to cover the extra 10k. i was like packing shit up and taking pics in a fugue state before my bf stopped me and was like it’s not your fault?? but anxiety and growing up poor af until this job i got after college says otherwise. as a kid and even in college i did not buy anything that wasn’t necessary or if i did it was a long time saving for like a 60$ video game, so having this much fucking money (comparatively) is so wild to me and i was so excited to finally collect and sew and create for these beautiful dolls i’ve always admire. my collection is mostly the “”cheaper dolls”” with some expensiver dolls (resinsoul is great though i legitimately love them for more than $ reasons),

i buy a lot of second hand because i love restoring things, i don’t even buy the big fancy full sets (i shell ocs mainly), and tend to use layaways to assuage my anxiety about paying sums of money over 3 digits. somewhere inside me my brain says “you brought this on yourself, you knew this was a waste of money”. it’s not i know logically, especially if all my other needs and debts are taken care of, but like. h

tl;dr so anyway this is a fucking weird ass confession. i feel sick for even indulging in this hobby and spending money on things i like instead of only paying my bills and food and taking care of my cats bc i could have used that money to add to my house savings to offset my apparently shitty credit score. i’m contemplating a second job and selling every doll thing i have because i don’t feel like i’m pulling my weight even though i am according to my bf. we’re not going to be homeless, we’ll just sign another year where we are, but it’s crushing to know that i clawed my way to stable income and doing something that makes me happy and i still can’t even be good enough for a house that’s only about 130k . that’s so so fucking cheap in this state it’s insane. i hate everything and feel so fucking guilty.

~Anonymous

[leewonkyeom]

everything is a competition between dk and jeonghan at least🙄🙄 literally the reason we made out that ONE time was bc dk wanted to see how long we could go on before jeonghan would comment on it😭 sorry you got roped into it as well by sitting next to us, but if you and jeonghan were sitting next tl each other y'all literally would've been worse🙄🙄

omg the lego ones are so cute😭 i'd rather have those cause they actually last forever and that is so cute!! (still going to chew him out)

lmao don't call us disgustingly in love when you spent the night listening to a man talk about "rebrumlums" or whatever😭 but i must admit that is so cute😭 the man was so ready to spent the rest of his life with you when you were in hs🥺🥺 hold on to this man (still going to chew him out dw !!)

oh my god!! i can finally see that?? lmao if you guys play the video of jeno and dk at our wedding, i think dk will literally cry😭 but so excited to see those omg!! esp since i wasn't there during middle school! like i need to see middle school simp deluxe tsundure jeonghan😭

like the fucking perseverance of that guy is insane😭 i had to cave i had no other choice. besides he looked good af, even i must admit that😭 meanwhile i was stuck with fucking long haired aquaman dk😭 not his best look, but i can survive🤧 and i slayed like ursula, just proved that she could've been pretty if she wanted to😌 like i did a mix of human her and octopus her cause i still wanted to look good for dk so i didn't want to go all in😭😭 but the fact that pranking me literally meant pranking dk by extension, cause the look on his face when he realized...😭😭

i know!! like it was that costume rly🤧 and my first matching one with dk i believe? cause unlike jeonghan he didn't have the guts to ask what i was dressing up as and matching😭 and lmao this was before chan was properly a part of our group, so i told him he could only come if he dressed up as meowth😭😭 i still feel kinda bad about ir, but i ended up buying him lunch for a week after that cause i genuinly felt bad😭 mingyu as brock was perfect though, i love whoever planted that idea in his head!! still mad maek didn't go as ash, cause he would've been perfect😭

ohh nice!! 🫶🫶 not nice that you're grandpa is moving, but nice that the house is available!

omg starfire and raven is our most iconic😭 i honestly want a repeat!! i looked so good that night i have no idea how dk survived tbh🤧 oh my god this sends me down memory lane😭 i remember the year y'all did fight club me, dk and shua went dressed as the powerpuff girls😭 simply iconic i am afriad. and when y'all did mean girls i literally have no idea how i convinced jeno to dress up as the grinch while i did cindy lou who😭 i have NO IDEA how you convince vernon to dress up as wednesday and chan as pugsley😭 but iconic i'm afraid😭😭

well since you snuck in the alcohol, i needed to do my part?? i even sold it "cheap" but whatever, i probably saved some lives that night😌😌 lmao even i was tired of you in the end, but we ended up finding our DREAM DRESSES omg they are fr so gorgeous😭 i still wear mine from time to time.

as someone who experienced you in hs and have now read those fanfics... scarily accurate😀 just praying mine and dks weren't as accurate cause ?? y'all really saw us like that😭🤡

okok i'll literally be there soon!! keep the hot cocoa scalding, like the tea i'll be serving😭 glad i can serve up some misery tbh🥰🥰

don't ask me😭 i was new and no one ever corrected me. but who hires a student as a soccer team coach??? like😭😭 lmao sketch me and dk sometime as well!! i'm tired of just looking at charles🤧🤧 y'all were the greatest band this school has ever seen though!! you were so good, i'm convinced i was your biggest fan!

no cause cha eunwoo is so fine, i don't think i've ever admitted my crush on him out loud before (except to my diary)😭 i needed some alternatives in case me and dk didn't work out😭😭 it was a dark time

oh my god!! we should grill cheol as well!

lmao i'm nor that good at basketball, but i can outrun you any day😌 so it's on!!!

he looks good i'll admit it😭 but he's YOUR MAN, do you really want me to simp for him? besides... headlocks and arms are way hotter🤭

ofc i lobe you, but i see you all the time??😭 i never see them anymore. besides, they were literally here from day one😭 i'll bake you something dw!! tha's in the love and happiness genre! but i couldn't possibly make something for everyone?? do you know how many people are coming home this christmas?

anyways👀👀 after we walked in on you and hannie is when we stopped doing it, cause a light when on in our brains and we realized how stupid it was. i'm sure that didn't stop y'all though

nooo i don't even want to listen to those😭😭 i'm sure i said the most batshit things ever😭 but also... can we play those at christmas? all our embarrassing secret have seen the light anyways

like i'm sorry😭😭 we didn't invite dk either if that helps??? or anyone for that matter. just me, mark and wonwoo lmao it was the only time i was calm tbh😭 and that says a lot cause video games rly gets me heated

WDYM HE CAUGHT ON FIRE HOW DID Y'ALL EVEN???😭😭 if y'all clean up properly in two hours i'll bake y'all some actual cookies that not only keep y'all alive, but also taste good😭

like the way i am extremely afraid of birds (like no. 1 fear), but i can deal with pigeons now and i think part of the reason why is dokyeom and his stupid impression😭😭😭 made me realize they're not all that scary

[mcrrisons]

wooo hi friends!! s here FINALLY dropping this intro, you’ll now know that i’m late to everything O:) i have insane muse for this type of character so i’m sooo excited to be here! any questions lmk but now ........... *rubs hands together like a fly* let’s get to plotting

@mapleviewstarters​

『 travis fimmel. fourty-six. cismale. he/him. 』 oh heavens, is that WELLS MORRISON from CHESTNUT DRIVE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -BELLIGERENT & -CONTRITE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool at COLLECTING UNEMPLOYMENT and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +CAPTIVATING & +OPEN-MINDED. i hope i see them around again! 

TW: ALCOHOLISM, DEATH, ABUSE

GETTING TO KNOW WELLS

full name: wells irving morrison

age / birthdate / sign: 45 / november 18, 1974 / scorpio

gender / pronouns: cismale / he/him

orientation: hetero

height: 6′2″

hair color: dirty blond, some gray growing in

tattoos: a lot of drunken tats over the years, either cheap ones or ones that his buddies did for him for free. most of the actual WANTED ones covered up some scars he chose to ignore

drinks / smokes / drugs: big yes to all, no one left behind - but alcohol and cigarettes daily as those are more acceptable and easier to get

occupation: although collecting unemployment from the government, he often has plenty of odd jobs to make money under the books. 

residence: mapleview, born and raised. still lives in the same plot of houses his great great bought / built years ago.

alignment: chaotic evil (but he tries his best............ ok)

parents: hank (deceased) & caroline morrison 

siblings: 2 brothers (jeremiah & tucker) and 1 sister (addison) that he KNOWS of

children: lane morrison (intro here), and probably a few others but that’s for future plots!!

WHAT’S HIS STORY ?

wells’ blood runs thick through this town to a long line of morrisons, and they sure as hell make SURE everyone knows it. rumors have flown around about the morrison family for generations, eyes roll when they enter a space (at least in wells’ experience) & they own a reputation of chaos. scaring away newcomers just by being themselves. and of course, like it was in his dna, wells’ actions would align with those that preceded him.

he grew up on a plot of land bought many moons ago by his great great ... grandfather / uncle /  (the story changes every time he hears it) w/ a few trailer-like one story homes with broken screen doors & random “antiques” in the yard aka things that people in fair lane were throwing out that everyone THOUGHT would be needed one day. (still lives here btw!!!)

growing up around family was FINE but it reminded him of his destination - what he was going to end up like anyway, DESPITE being kinda smart in school & having larger dreams. the family was scrappy, deceitful; wells learned at an early age how to manipulate people to get what he wanted. he was taught how to STEAL, lie, charm, and how to get by with what they had.

wells spent most of his childhood at his uncle’s home, just a few minute walk away on the plot bc his own home wasn’t ideal. he looked up to the guy A LOT, but hasn’t spoken since he left mapleview for bigger and better things when wells was just 15.

his father, a returned drafted vietnam vet, took out the anger of what he witnessed / how he was treated / how life was UNFAIR out on his family, and often times physically. he wasn’t involved in wells’ life all too much, only when he needed something or wanted to let off some steam. 

his mother was a caring & loving woman, also mapleview grown (the two had been high school sweethearts), but loyal to a FAULT, always choosing her husband to back. 

screams, crashes, fights, fires - you name it. needless to say, that plot of morrison homes never had it quiet, easy. cops knew everyone by first and last name and could drive the route from the station to the morrison’s home with their eyes closed.

wells’ father DIED when he was 19 (although wells hadn’t considered him alive for a while) & no one knew HOW so there was never any closure for him, his mother, his fam... all his death provided was another source for the rumor mill surrounding the morrisons. was it a bad bar fight ? did he have a bad fall ? wrong pills ? some say his mother was a killer but he knew better than that.

wells’ mother is still live & somewhat well, living with his brother in a house about 20 minutes away. at her old age, it’s hard for her to do things on her own and it was decided that wells - the youngest of his generation - wouldn’t be able to care after her, let alone care for himself. she’s been there for about 10 years now and still complains every minute.

ok back to our boy. somehow wells managed to destroy every good thing that ever came his way. self-destructive due to self-hatred and REGRET which never got better as he got older and continued to well, destroy things. a slippery slope, for sure.

alongside his uncle, always dreaming of getting out of this small town, wells was good ENOUGH at school and that was his way. but of course it didn’t happen: 1. he fell into fulfilling prophecy of his predecessors, 2. he had not a PENNY to his name to leave (i.e. gambling addiction), 3. he had a child in his early twenties, 4. he tried to fight the admissions counselor at the nearby community college

having some sort of love in his life. didn’t happen: 1. he pushed/pushes everyone that dare get too close (mostly selfishly), 2. couldn’t change his addictive personality (i.e. alcoholism), 3. began to resemble his father, 4. has 0 emotional intelligence and cannot touch feelings/emotions

to get a job and be a normal person in society. didn’t happen bc: 1. has a narcissist complex, 2. would steal from the cash register, 3. would hit on customers, 4. doesn’t understand paying “taxes”

more to add here

BASICALLY, he’s lived a life. he acts as though his life is already over, there’s nothing to lose, nothing to gain and this is just how it will be for the rest of his time on earth. he’s despondent and lives far too much in the PAST, blaming himself for everything that came his way (but ok he’s not too far off tbh).

although MANY a regret linger in his mind before sleep, his largest regret is losing his family - the love of his life who LEFT the two high and dry just after about a year together and his son who moved out at just 16. the mother of his child was the only person he remembers that saw him for more than rumors, his facade and became a good influence to him - but OF COURSE he fucked that one up and she left. he blames himself big time, but would never show that. only hatred her way aloud. 

his son, lane, left while still a boy just like himself, and it HURT to think that the apple hardly fell from the tree above, not able to be a good father. never TAUGHT how to be one. manipulative to a fault, wells would always say the younger was never appreciative, never UNDERSTOOD... and he’d convince himself that his son hated him as much as he hates himself. he’ll also say he’s the only reason he’s still alive. LOVE / HATE seems to blur so often for the old man here. always did.

the only constant throughout his life has been alcohol. the morrison’s start off early of course, and wells was drinking/etc on his own by the time he was 12. UNLESS you count the bourbon his father would feed him to sleep as a baby. what started off as social and partying as he grew older, became something much more ugly. his body didn’t just crave it, it NEEDED it to function by the time he was in his early twenties. it was easier to hide it then, all young and into a good time but it wouldn’t just last for weekends. he’d need a drink to get by mentally, and physically and became fully dependent. a depressant to match his mental illness.

WHO IS HE ?

he has a DEEP southern accent with a hard RASP that sounds as though he smokes a pack a day (because he does). 

despite graduating high school (i KNOW, believe it), he doesn’t have a vocabulary too wide and will use larger words incorrectly all the time.

can have a bit of an old grumpy man aesthetic, easily belligerent, even though he’s only in his 40s and can be charming as hell too (that smile!!!! ok!!! knows how to manipulate.)

he doesn’t trust the government at ALL and is a bit of a conspiracy theorist, despite collecting money from the government each week for unemployment. he refuses to pay taxes so only does jobs under the books. will go on a tangent about how the government is creating diseases, hiding aliens; eat the rich, etc... he also doesn’t trust cops at all, despite being picked up and taken home by them at least once a week.

grew up on rock and roll! had a band in the 80s where he could’ve SWORN they’d be rich and famous. long hair, tight pants, acting out - wannabe motley crue.

drives (ILLEGALLY) an old ford from the 70′s that somehow still works, after losing his license years ago from too many DWIs. 

i assume all of the town knows him as the town DRUNK. maybe it used to be funny back in the day, but now it’s just really SAD. he’s a nuisance. 

WHO DOES HE KNOW ?

y/c HIRED him for some odd jobs, must be under the table.

HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES who also stayed around mapleview. they can be friendly, enemies now, distanced, a lot to do here.

a BROTHER / step (which i might submit to the main :))

a ONE-NIGHT stand

a GOOD INFLUENCE who tries their best to get him working towards something better. fair warning, this would 9.99/10 times not work.

where wells is the BAD INFLUENCE to y/c, convincing them to drink a ton, giving horrible advice when they’re in their most vulnerable state.

a STORE OWNER that has banned wells from entering their establishment due to a prior mishap.

a DEALER of all things wells shouldn’t, but does.

THE HILLS by the weeknd - a plot where these two are hooking up or together but only in secret. whether that’s because they’re in different socioeconomic classes, have a bad history, the other is cheating... they have to hide.

WHITE KNUCKLES - they’ve previously had a bar fight, are known enemies. could’ve been something said about his family, his past.

[rylie-studies]

Hi Rylie 💕 How is March going for you? Have you learned something interesting related to Italian recently? I mean, everything Italian is interesting, but like something you wish to share? I came across an article about Italian villages that deal with depopulation. They offer old houses for 1€! The main condition is to reconstruct it and some also require a deposit in advance. It is 2000 - 5000 € which I think is doable in few years? Shall we... move there together? 👉👈🥺

Oh my gosh Anka, I'm screaming like this ask has really been here for two months, but hey I'm finally getting around to it so that's something! Tbh, I don't remember a lot abt how my March went but I can definitely tell you how this month's going; lots of reflecting and stress. I honestly cannot believe we're already almost in the middle of May like that's insane. Anywho, other than that, everything's well!

As for smth interesting I've learnt recently abt Italian, I actually stumbled across an article a few days ago abt how, in Molise, an archaeologist randomly excavated a head of one of Augustus's statue spanning from like 2,000 years ago! They weren't expecting it at all and they were just there to collect the remains of a building that collapsed, but they serendipitously found it and it was so fascinating. Tbh I love the idea of sculptures and statues bcs they really are a window to the past; there's also people that do AI reconstructions of them and it's so freaking cool. Someone did AI reconstructions for the Roman emperors and it's crazy bcs, even if it's not entirely accurate, it still shows that they were actual human beings and not just fictional characters!

Also omg yes that article abt those houses! It's so insane honestly that they're selling them so cheap and it's really quite tempting. It's like the universe really wants us to move there and will do everything in its power to ensure it'll happen kjkfjkdjsf. You gotta love the universe! Oh and by the way, I know that you're just as shaken by the book as I am, but I recently read The Song of Achilles and, dude, I'm still not recovered. The book is so beautiful and has torn my heart and soul into shreds. I am changed. I don't know if I'll ever read a book like it. Have you read Circe as well? Aaaaah, books! I hope this week has been lovely for you!! ✨

[ih8paris]

i hate paris

Do people still use tumblr? I’m so old. And I never used it. I don’t keep up with the times. I don’t give a shit. You know what? It all passes. Except facebook. They made a deal with the devil and really, was it worth it? I use facebook. I live in Paris and there are these groups for women, expats, cheap people like me that want free yoga. That’s what I use it for. And news. BBC CNN ABC NBC MSNBC, you get it and the posts. They report what the people supposedly want, but then we can see what the people are actually saying. Donald Trump won’t win? Look at voices talking? Look at the little people. It looked like he was going to win. What do you know, he did. But what if he had lost. What if Hilary didn’t get a handle on COVID and then Donald won in 2020? We would all be so fucked right now. Maybe we already are. Anyway, I’m not here to talk politics. I’m here to process my life choices and see if there were signs that I was making HUGE mistake. 

So here’s the thing. I’m a bit untraditional. Growing up was shit. Chuck left and made sure to shit all over everything before he did. And the whole get married in your 20′s have babies get divorced get remarried have more kids bc hey you’re not old at 30 and this is the guy you actually wanted to have kids with. I rant but you get it. Traditional not for me. Also not traditional, i have some money. This money has paid for college, pastry school and yes this wonderful covid filled experience in paris: the city that hates me. I’m fortunate. I don’t live lavishly. It’s not that much money. I grew up poor, I pinch pennies. Then i do exciting things. Or maybe challenging things? I am fortunate and grateful. And guilt filled. I am given this gift and shit it away, trying make something out of this paris experience. It’s like a bad relationship where i keep begging to give it one more change. It will get better. I’m a fucking idiot. So here I am, you know third times the charm, right? Back in paris. Vaccinated. I’ve made connections with people. I feel confident that this will not be a waste. It will be fun. It will be educational. I will network. Gain experiences. Omg learn so much. Be able to travel. OH the hopes and delusions i had. But maybe we should start from the beginning. 

Omg, which beginning. Paris, i guess, we can go back further when the moment calls. So 30 is approaching. I’ve moved back home. That’s story for another time. Remember my life is not traditional. So I’m home to help out and idk try to figure out what the fuck i want to do with my life. See the big mistake i made in my 20s was listening to people i don’t admire. i graduate with an art degree. my college exit interview said i am qualified to work at a bank or Kraft foods. no connects, recommendations. No direct. And my family keeps talking about getting a job, benefits, 401k. At one point a little later on, my grandpa was pushing for me to go into service. Sorry gramps, they don’t want me. My education was good. I learned a lot. They had good resources and a lot. But then nothings. So i worked at a bakery. I worked hard at this bakery. For more than a few months i worked 7 days a week. I didn’t have a life. i had money. Money i made. And apparently that was the most important thing, from the talks i keep getting from my family. And of course i wasn’t earning enough, so needed to work harder and climb the ladder. There is no ladder in a bakery. Whatever, I rant again. We’ll come back to this. 

So 30. It’s looming. I’ve thought about grad school. The money I mentioned earlier. It’s had time to grow. The GRE expires after 5 years, not that i took it but 7 years after I graduated, i wasn’t taking it. So Europe. Europe is artsy. I would like to make good money, enjoy the work okay, but mostly make good money with the least amount of actual work. So teaching. My mom teaches. Computer programing. She’s the head of the department. She fucking hates it. The dude that was suppose to get that job, he died. It was sad. But they also didn’t replace him so when the other guy retired, it became her job. It was an unpleasant 10ish years. But again, I digress. So teaching. Work hard and play hard. And it’s always changing - ish. I guess as much as you want, or don’t. New students every 15 weeks. breaks at all the holidays. Summers off. And when you’re just about to get bored, you’re back at work. Maybe because this is the only lifestyle i know, but it doesn’t sound bad. I worked in an office of women in high school. That i for sure knew i never wanted. But teaching. College. Okay. I need a masters. Learn about MA and MFA. Start looking for jobs in Cali because life’s too short to fucking deal with the snow and mosquitos. Idk everyone doesn’t live in Cali. So now the plan is MFA. They are much more rare and more in demand at universities. More money - but this time i think chasing the money necessary bc Calif = expensive. Now back to looking in Europe. I love Italy. I would love to live in in Italy for more that just a semester but actually live Italian or close to it. The language makes sense. The people make sense. The art makes sense. And it’s omg gorgeous. Alas, no American accredited MFA programs I could qualify for in Italy. I don’t know if there were none but if there were, they would have been in textiles, or digital/graphic design. Which I don’t know anything about. I’m old school, metal work, drawing, printmaking - although so far we haven’t gotten along, another thing i going to try to make work before i leave this city that hates me, for good - painting, ceramics, you get it. I hate computers. I appreciate technology but my mom teaches computers therefore there was never a working computer in my house so we (my brothers and me) don’t do computers. So i find this school - in english and in Paris. Paris, so glamorous. Home of famous artists and their art. The Louvre and Eiffel Tower and Fashion. So okay, i check out their programs. One i have no fucking clue what it is. Still don’t. Another is Photography - pass. Graphics - no. List continues. Then i see Drawing. That’s interesting. I can draw, i draw well. This is a program i could probably get into. SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: you can get into any program. No program is ever full. It’s bull shit. Masters program. Undergrad = everyone is applying at the same time. Masters = ages range and much fewer people go. So don’t fall for that shit - EVER. 

They have a one year and two year program. The second year is less than half the first year so makes sense to go the second year and get the MFA vs MA. So that works out. I’m reading and checking it out. Not sure what I’m looking for but in hindsight, i knew something was missing. Talk it over with my mom and her peers who are also teachers. Consensus - don’t be part of the first group. So i have an interview to get it - what a joke. It is also a time for me to learn more about the program. So i ask, is this new? How long has it been around. Answer: Oh no, it’s been working several years. Very confident. I didn’t have a follow-up, just said I don’t want to be in the first group. I said those words. Her response: Oh no no don’t worry. I was so naive. And yes this continued through the whole program. People’s personalities are what they are. So she lied to get me into the program and just kept lying. No respect for the insane about of money i was paying for this ‘experience’. No respect for the education i could have gotten somewhere else. Because this program had NO educational value. I’m not being bitter or dramatic. It was a complete waste of time and money. Then covid happened. Might have been a blessing in disguise. I can go into detail of the program later. This is just an overview of the beginning. 

So, I get accepted. What a surprise. I’m now officially 30 and this - i feel- is my last hoorah. After this i will be an adult who can get an adult job and become an adult. But first i need housing. And a visa. Which is very confusing. So the French and Italians - Italians I am familiar  with, tell you about it later. So they’re similar in that lazy, lack of thoroughness, that’s their thing. Difference being Italians own it, French hardcore deny. So I’m reading this paperwork and it says thing like you need to have all your documents before your visa appointment including plane ticket. Well I can’t go without the visa so why would i get a plane ticket? Cart before the horse shit - it’s very french, wait until you hear about banks.  

[pigeon-in-anguish]

So I just finished The Last Of Us Part II, here are my thoughts: 

!Under read more bc whole plot spoilers! If you’ve played the game I’d love if you would read this and respond with your own opinions on what I said! (If you’re on mobile this will look very long Im sorry)

To start off, here’s what I liked bc it’s a much shorter list (lol)

-The graphics are insane! But honestly they didn’t look any different from Uncharted 4, I really expected to see more pores and skin texture 

-The soundtrack S L A P S. Absolute bop. 10/10

-The frikin moss on the water MOVES when you walk through it!!! As it didn’t do this in UC4, I was wicked impressed.

-I’m really glad they had Dina talk about her Jewish upbringing, and they even had a menorah in the house she and Ellie shared. As a Jew I’ve never played a game with a Jewish character. It feels nice :)

- I know the character Lev has been under some controversy on tumblr as being a trans character seen as an “enemy” but I really liked his character! Remember- he was born and raised into a vicious cult. He just wanted to be able to be himself. Even though he is fighting against Ellie, it’s because Abby is fighting against Ellie, and Abby is his friend. He’s trying to protect her. He would most likely be Ellie’s friend without Abby’s influence. (BTW I’m cishet, so if my opinions and stuff are off/ rude here I apologies I’m just trying to say why I liked his character, please tell me if I said something wrong.) I also think he’s funny and a total badass. You go you funky little cultist!

Now on the the things I didn’t like:

-The whole ass plot. 

-The whole fist game is about the JOURNEY to the Fireflies, and in this game you just appear at locations of same distance in an instant??

-Playing three days in Seattle as Ellie, then playing the SAME FRIKIN 3 DAYS as Abby. I was bored out of my mind. They made a zombie game boring. Congrats

-Everything Ellie did and lost just to let Abby live because ???? Girl you went all that way, left your hot ass wife and child just to let her live? The whole point of the game is to kill her!! The game becomes pointless for me.

-The amount of flashbacks. Oh my fucking gd. I DO NOT care about Abby’s past, I DO NOT care about some zebra and I DO NOT care about her relationship with Owen. He’s got the most punchable face I’ve ever seen.

-Characters acting out of character for the sake of plot. Ellie going after Abby leaving Jessie on his own to go after Tommy? Wouldn’t happen. Ellie hasn’t gone down that road of hate yet, she wouldn’t ever do that. Tommy showing up to her and Dina’s house and basically forcing Ellie to kill Abby? Wtf!!! This part was cheap. He knows what Ellie meant to Joel, and saw her in a similar way he saw Sarah. He would have mentioned it, but would NEVER have gotten angry at her.

-The ending. Arg. She leaves Joel’s guitar behind?? So like she’s just over him now?? THEN WHY THE FRIK DID YOU GO TO CALIFORNIA YOU TWAT!!!! I’m not pleased :/

Sorry this is so long, I could go into more detail about all the things I didn’t like but then I’d lose everyone’s interest. The game should have been Joel and Ellie revenging Tommy after he was killed by WLF ppl attacking Jackson or something. That one birthday flashback was nice though. The whole game could have been that ;-;

[juleshq]

*  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎 family  𝟐.𝟑 𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧  net  worth  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  her  fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  her  return  .  you  know  ,  she  was  known  around  town  as  the  𝐂𝐎𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  pronouns  was  crowned  as  𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 & 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃 .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐘 and  study  𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  she  is  still  very  𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 , 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃 , 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄  . hopefully  this  time  next  year  the  plans  to  𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  her  blast  𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫 (𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄) 𝖇𝖞 𝐤𝐚𝐥𝐢 𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐬  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

i  don’t  think  i’ve  EVER  been  this  excited  to  plot  and interact with a group of people ,  u  all  seem  like  such  beaut  ppl  &  i’m  in  love  already  but   i’m  a  little  . . .  intimidated  ADFJH .  anyways  ,  i’m  not  going  to  ramble  bc  i’m  ready  to  get  down  to  business  ,  i’m  sammie  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  under  the  cut  is  a  long  bio  on  jules !  i  will  GLADLY  give  you  a  synopsis  on  this  chaotic  mess  pls  just  ask  ,  HERE  is  her  pinterest  board  please  ignore  the  sudden  amount  of  pins  of  just  her  , also  i’m  down  to  plot  here  or  on  discord  ,  my  discord  is  @ᵘ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵃ ᵈᵒˡˡᵃʳ ?#3246  

* / BASICS

full name: juliana kaia dicaprio

nicknames: jules , julie / juli 

age & dob: twenty-one , august 14th , 1998

place of birth: long island , new york .

sexuality: heterosexual ( that she knows off )

bender: cisfemale

* /  MORE BASIC INFO

languages: english, french, some spanish.

religion: catholic

education: high school , majoring in biology at stanford

occupation: unemployed

drinks, smokes, & drugs: all of the above

* / PERSONALITY

zodiac sign: leo

likes: dark chocolate , tea in the morning , white roses , instigating bad situations , wine , black coffee , the smell of freshly brewed coffee , talking with strangers , long travels , adventures , being called “ angel ” , popcorn , quick tex responders , products made with silk , athletes , crime shows / films , crowded rooms , glitter .

dislikes: fake designer bags , people who don’t know how to lie , f , people who wear pearls regularly , long text messages , voicemails , men who are cheap , people who chew with their mouth open , humming ,  thrift shops , water-poof mascara , the smell of grass , extensive planning , and arrogance & stupidity combined .

bad habits: breaking promises to herself & others , not thinking before doing , fixating with her hair when nervous .

secret talent: juggling

fears: aging terribly , being widowed , drowning , being buried alive .

positive traits: alluring , convincing , affectionate , ambitious / devoted , systematic .

negative traits: manipulative , conniving , deceitful , dishonest , subjective .

* / APPEARANCE

tattoos: dagger on right index finger , “ devil ” on left index finger .

piercings: three in each ear , cartilage .

* / FAMILY INFO.

parent names: claire boucher & david dicaprio .

parent relationship: divorced .

sibling names: annalise , ashton , keller , & wade .

sibling relationship: step siblings & half .

children: none .

pets: 2 family dogs on her moms side.

* / BIOGRAPHY

i’m sorry it got long

             𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑’s entire childhood was spent in the spotlight -- her father was a huge rockstar in the 70's & 80's, and her mother a model . Claire spent her childhood between Florida , California , and New York , attending red carpets , premieres , etc. Claire attended Stanford to obtain a bachelor in science but was in and out of modeling in her teens and early twenties .

            𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐃 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎  lived an affluent life more under the radar . His grandfather is CEO of JD banking , one of the four largest banks in the world . He attended Princeton as the rest of his family did . He got involved in the company business at a very young age as did his brothers , but went on to become the new CEO after his fathers unfortunate passing in 2002 .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 was and will forever be her parents pride & joy . her parents were high school sweethearts & got married young -- at a twenty-two / twenty-three . they had been trying for two years to start their own family but jules’ mother struggled . thanksgiving in the hamptons , a dicaprio family tradition the day is engraved in her mothers memory , in 1997 , they announced to their family that after years of trying , they were pregnant .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 grew up completely pampered ; bi-weekly trips to the nail salon with her mother and annual father-daughter trips . her mother was her best friend until she began morphing jules into what she thought was perfect . making sure she spoke at least one other language , was active in school , extracurriculars , how she presented herself . her mother cared about image due to her own childhood of growing up in the spotlight . besides the near brainwash to fit her mother’s image of perfect , everything was ideal &  ‘ normal ’ up until the summer before her freshman year of high school . her mother discovered the affair her father had been having for months with a woman he did business with . he claimed it was due to the fact that jules’ mother had returned to some normalcy and wanted to work again , modeling and doing some traveling , therefore he ‘ just missed her around ’ . jules was aware of everything going on  , heard the countless nights they spent arguing in the opposite wing of the house , she picked up on her father being late to family dinner because “ he had work to do ” . her parents tried their best to keep her in the dark for the sake of her sanity , innocence , and view on her father . jules went along with it all , the daddy’s girl in her was in denial for all of the months leading up to their divorce . at the end , her mother got full custody of her .

             𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄 came two “ yes ” parents . everything became a competition between the two , trying to one up the other ; who took jules on the better summer vacation , had the most over the top christmas morning , etc . it  was insanely manipulative & jules there wasn’t a time period where jules felt more alone ; not having a sibling to relate to , she was embarassed to tell her peers the real reason why her parents split , it was so cliché . both parents didn’t take too long to remarry , her father found another stay-at-home wife and her mother lucked out with a lawyer ten years older than she . her step-father had two daughtes & son with whom jules hated in the beginning – it  was a lot to take in and she was used to being the only child . her father went on to have a child with his new wife two years after their marriage . it was all an immense amount of change within seven years .

              𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 for jules had been constantly changing since the news of her father’s affair , she’d spend her summers & holiday’s going back & forth between each parents in the hamptons until her father moved to calabasas to be closer to his wife’s family as soon as the baby was born . jules had always been a wild , reckless child at heart and the divorce between her parents only allowed her to push her limits even more . the two-three years her parents spent processing their divorce were her golden years -- she could not get in trouble with her parents and they never got upset with her . she took advantage of it all and abused drinking , hanging out with boys , you name it . she loved the attention she received from any male figure -- it made up for the lack of attention she was getting from her father once he got the boot .

              𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 was where jules found her safe space ; she could be her wild self , far away from home and only a five hour drive from her father that she still rarely sees . she joined a sorority , joined the exec board , was forced to join french club by her mother , all while maintaining a 4.08 gpa .

           *  ` 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈��𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐄 jules has always been a wild child . she’s always had a desire for attention , all eyes & attention on her , though the B I R T H of her uncontrollable desire for attention from males stemmed after her parents divorce . the lack of attention from her father allowed her to realize her dad wasn’t the only one who could spoil her & every man was basically the same . she’s not super close with either of her dads at the moment and sees her father about three times a year , two of which are holidays & every now and then the spontaneous visit from him in cali .  

          𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is a h u g e  cry baby in the sense that she hates not getting what she wants . its not on purpose most of the time , it’s the way she was raised and the nature of her parents . she’s never had to ask for anything twice & hates doing so . though she’s a huge cry baby , she will try her best to mask her actual tears . she does a good job of seeming innocent , she’s that one friend that is super sus & lies a lot & keeps secrets but somehow is so good at convincing people other wise ? she’s a huge flirt , even when she’s not doing it on purpose , it’s sort of a weird practice or habit she’s grown into ? she feels empowered in the weirdest way of owning men and being able to form their opinion of her for them , this stems from her newly founded daddy issues  it’s more so due to the fact that her relationship with her father began to diminish once he moved out . she is & has been on her “ fuck love ” rampage .

       𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 do whatever she wants and will hide her bad intentions . she lives for chaos , loves enjoys pushing limits & boundaries . she loves a game of cat & mouse / teasing just knowing she has someone in her grip is what helps her sleep at night . she is a bit crazy . . .  the type to watch someone’s snap score go up . def that type to block and unblock someone 238473 timES . she has an underlying need of approval from others and she almost needs to be liked by everyone she meets .

     𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 she wants to model & be a playboy bunny BUT her dad would literally disown her if she didn’t follow her family legacy and attend stanford or yale to use her brains for good . she’s in school to be a pediatrician because at the end of the day she loves children and always wanted to seek a job in the healthcare field . she has plans to attend yale’s medical school after her senior year is complete at stanford .

i really based her off of american beauty & angela in the movie ( if you’ve seen it omg ily ) g